The day we thought we lost you

I pulled into the garage and felt a gush of water. It felt like my water had broken, but it wasn’t your birthday. In fact, I was only 9 weeks pregnant with you. Shaking, I ran into the house calling for your daddy to come get Joe out of the car. When I saw the blood, I cried and whispered, “It’s happening again.”

I thought you were gone.

We left Joe with some friends who prayed and prayed that you would be ok. I didn’t have much hope.

We sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever. Then they took us back to an examination room and we waited some more.

My mind was already trying to come to terms with losing you when the doctor finally walked in. She said to try to be patient as they set up the ultrasound room. As she left, your daddy turned to me and said, “Did you see her name tag?” Yes, I had seen it. The doctor’s name was Leila.

I was only 9 weeks along, much too early to tell if you were a boy or a girl, but I knew. I knew from the first day. Call it a mother’s intuition, but I could just tell.

And if I was right, we were going to name you Leila. So when we saw the doctor’s name tag, our hearts skipped a beat. Was it a sign? I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

They wheeled me into the ultrasound room. I had been through this before. They turned the screen away from me and made your daddy sit out in the hallway. They weren’t expecting to tell us any good news.

But then a smile flickered across the tech’s face as she turned the screen towards me.

And I saw you. Dancing around, heartbeat strong, you looked like a little seahorse. They opened the door and your daddy looked up, and I cried, “The baby! It’s ok! It’s ok.”

30 weeks later, you broke my water for real. On April 2nd, 5 hours before your scheduled c-section. You just knew it was your day to be born into this world, didn’t you?

I don’t know what I would do without you, my sweet Leila. You brighten the world around you, and I’m so proud to be your mom.

And I’m so glad on that day, you were ok.

 

This post originally appeared on April 2, 2014. For Leila’s sixth birthday I have added a few new photos.