Earlier this year I had surgery to help with some of my pain issues. And while I felt better for a few months (after suffering through recovery), much of the pain I was struggling with before has returned.
And I’m realizing that my wiring, the way I approach fitness and body image, absolutely has to change.
The reality of my situation is that I live with celiac disease, endometriosis, and other “We can’t quite figure out what’s wrong with you, but it’s probably autoimmune related” issues.
So when I try to get back in shape by doing what I’ve always done (setting goals, dreaming of the way my legs used to look, pushing through the pain), my body fails me. I end up taking one step forward and twenty-two steps back.
When I try to train like before, I hurt myself worse. When I try to get my old body back, my new body rebels.
I’ll be honest, the reason I have tried pushing through the pain so much is because I WANT TO LOOK LIKE I WANT TO LOOK. I want muscular legs. I want non-jiggly arms. I want to look in the mirror and see my version of “good” in a bikini.
But oh my gawsh, that is so hard. How how how do we become comfortable in our own skin? Especially with these kind of images filling our social media feeds?
Obviously I have many reasons for choosing MuTu core over Taebo and yoga over running. Feeling better physically and decreasing chronic pain are two of them.
So why does that not seem enough for me sometimes? Why do I go for a run when I know it will probably hurt me? Why do I look in the mirror and try to calculate how many lunges I can do before my body breaks?
I don’t have an answer. But hopefully in posting this, the process of rewiring can begin. If you have chronic health issues, maybe you can relate. If you have reached the point of feeling comfortable in your own skin, maybe you can respond with some encouraging words.
Because something needs to change, and I’m just not sure how to begin.