The day we thought we lost you

I pulled into the garage and felt a gush of water. It felt like my water had broken, but it wasn’t your birthday. In fact, I was only 9 weeks pregnant with you. Shaking, I ran into the house calling for your daddy to come get Joe out of the car. When I saw the blood, I cried and whispered, “It’s happening again.”

I thought you were gone.

We left Joe with some friends who prayed and prayed that you would be ok. I didn’t have much hope.

We sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever. Then they took us back to an examination room and we waited some more.

My mind was already trying to come to terms with losing you when the doctor finally walked in. She said to try to be patient as they set up the ultrasound room. As she left, your daddy turned to me and said, “Did you see her name tag?” Yes, I had seen it. The doctor’s name was Leila.

I was only 9 weeks along, much too early to tell if you were a boy or a girl, but I knew. I knew from the first day. Call it a mother’s intuition, but I could just tell.

And if I was right, we were going to name you Leila. So when we saw the doctor’s name tag, our hearts skipped a beat. Was it a sign? I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

They wheeled me into the ultrasound room. I had been through this before. They turned the screen away from me and made your daddy sit out in the hallway. They weren’t expecting to tell us any good news.

But then a smile flickered across the tech’s face as she turned the screen towards me.

And I saw you. Dancing around, heartbeat strong, you looked like a little seahorse. They opened the door and your daddy looked up, and I cried, “The baby! It’s ok! It’s ok.”

30 weeks later, you broke my water for real. On April 2nd, 5 hours before your scheduled c-section. You just knew it was your day to be born into this world, didn’t you?

I don’t know what I would do without you, my sweet Leila. You brighten the world around you, and I’m so proud to be your mom.

And I’m so glad on that day, you were ok.

The day we thought we lost youThe day we thought we lost you The day we thought we lost you The day we thought we lost you The day we thought we lost you The day we thought we lost you The day we thought we lost you

  • Anne Nielsen April 2, 2014 at 10:18 am

    I shouldn’t have read this on my planning period at school…now I am crying. πŸ˜‰ What a beautiful beautiful story Alysa and how lucky Leila is to have a mommy like you! Thank you for sharing such a heartwarming and personal story with us.

    • InspiredRD April 2, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      Thanks Anne, sorry to make you cry πŸ™‚

  • Lauren April 2, 2014 at 10:34 am

    You totally made me cry at my desk. Amazing. We had the same with my younger son. I was sure it was over and that heartbeat- nothing better. Though I didn’t feel ok until he was born. She’s meant to be here xx.

    • InspiredRD April 2, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      Oh wow, then you know.

  • amy cornwell April 2, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Praise God

  • Angel Haynes April 2, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Happy birthday, sweet Leila! We love you and your sweet family!

    • InspiredRD April 2, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      Love you too! Thanks for being the one who prayed πŸ˜‰

  • Rebecca Pytell April 2, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Absolutely beautiful! Happy Birthday Leila <3

  • Emily April 2, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    Thanks for sharing Alysa!

  • Robin April 2, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    How touching of you to share, and how beautifully written! It was all meant to be- her name, her birthday, everything πŸ™‚

  • The Internet Dietitian April 3, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    What a beautiful story!
    xx Sian

  • Stephanie Sheaffer April 3, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    What a frightening time that must have been for you! So glad for the miraculous “ending” (beginning?) of the story.

    P.S. Leila is a lovely name.

  • Tanya April 4, 2014 at 9:00 am

    When I was pregnant with my twins I had 7 gushing bleeds each time assuming I had lost my babies. I cried reading this remembering what it is like to lose pregnancies and fear it had happened again.

    • InspiredRD April 7, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      Oh Tanya, 7 is a lot! That must have been so difficult.

  • Weekend Things April 4, 2014 at 9:49 am

    […] Most read post –Β The day we thought we lost you […]

  • Jenn April 4, 2014 at 10:47 am

    Beautiful story & beautiful girl! Thank you for sharing.

    That whole turning the ultrasound screen away from you is one of the most frightening experiences I ever had. They thought my boy had serious heart troubles during the middle of my pregnancy with him and for every one of those ultrasounds during that 8 week period they turned the screen away to start…. there is nothing quite like that, no way to explain it to someone who doesn’t know.

    • InspiredRD April 7, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      Oh wow, I can’t imagine having that many ultrasounds with the screen turned away. So scary.

  • Chelsea June 2, 2014 at 11:04 am

    This made me cry as I remembered going through the same thing with my son at 14 weeks.
    There was a moment in the ER when they asked how much pain I was in. When I said I wasn’t in pain, it was the first time any of us considered something different was going on. They were able to tell me that Zac was fine, and that he was a boy.
    That day, and the rest of that scary pregnancy, were probably the scariest of my life. I’m sorry you had to go through something so similar. I’m thankful every day for my strong, ferocious, determined miracle.

    • InspiredRD June 4, 2014 at 9:04 am

      Yes, the rest of the pregnancy was scary for sure. Even though everything was going ok. So glad you have a sweet miracle too πŸ™‚